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Dyed hair, foundation, fish nets
What bets I can get her…for a good bargain
Well don’t mean to be rude oh sorry yes I do
HOW MUCH FOR YOU
Yeah you the one with the smelly minge
Obviously you’ve had a bit of a binge
With your saggy tits all hanging out, errr what a cringe
HOW MUCH FOR YOU luv
Well you know I’m underage
But as long as you get your wage
The back alleys is just your strip tease stage
HOW MUCH FOR YOU darlin’
‘cos I know what you crave
Ye you want a rave
You want me to be your slave
HOW MUCH FOR YOU honey
You’re gonna need the money for coke
What if I give you’re fadge a good poke
You’ll even hump old folk
HOW MUCH FOR YOU x8
COS I CAUGHT YOU SNIFFING GLUE
HOW MUCH FOR YOU x8
Such a wasted life
Look what your face did to your lesbian wife
Wait till you get caught young lady what a strife
HOW MUCH FOR YOU x5

My Mummy died

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Yes My frrrrrrrrrriends the sad news is true...well I suppose I'd better tell you what happened ... it was an ordinary enough Christmas...Cousins roasting on an open fire uncle barry nibbling at your toes...same old same old until great aunt patty came round for christmas pudding (shees not really that old we just call her great because she is) So mother got very angry and said we invited her to a proper dinner with Great Great Great Grandpappy Roy and natty the maid as a side dish (she was so thin bless her, we should really have fattened her up and had her a main course next year...still...)...So Mother tucked into Great aunt patty, and so was very bloated... every one poked her in the eyes and called her fatty so all her veins popped, then she bought Zitty Brenda's fitness VHS and Franklin the florists calendar (he can put is nipples anywhere backpocket, barnyard, steam train to the desserted dessert ANYWHERE!) She got a paper cut on the calendar so that had sprung a leak, then she rather foolishly stepped on the tread mill and blew up like a balloon only with guts...some other people are clearing up the mess as we speak, I would't want my appetite getting the better of me.

So I went to Farmer Jacks and on the way noticed the crazy europeans haven't cleared up the new year day blood works so i licked some up to help them...not to much... I shouldn't want to be sick now would I) I went and mowed Farmer Jack's lawn in return of a story...this one was about a depressed eagle...gripping stuff. Then I checked up on Lional we played blind mans buff until dark when I was leaving he offered to sew up mum for free...good old Lional! TaTa friends

Oh How Speldid...2006

Indeed and an eventful year I hope it will be, and what better way to start the year than with a new diary, this year I won't have to skip around town showing all the townspeople my diary entries as they can view it whenever they want here! I hope if you are reading this you will be my friend, as I haven't many as a matter of fact, people close to me often call me Bussy, Moron, diescumdie, fagend or just plain Buster wich my best friend Lional the Sheep calls me...But if you wanted to be really clever you could call me Julius as that is a gorgeous name I think.

During the year I hope to have many adventures and record them for your viewing pleasure...if you have read my profileyou will hopefully know all about me and if you haven't I can guarantee you shall (wot wot).

Well today was awfully nice...I woke up with damp bedclothes because every night I spit on them to make me sleep better, it is rather thereputic, then I went into the kitchen and realised that the kitchen roof had gone after 2 hours of thinking about butterflies I decided to think about the roof so I could have my Grogy 'os with a roof over my head, after 1 hour of thinking I was distracted by Lional knocking at my door, I stared at him for a while and then realised he wanted to come in, so he let me in and helped me think...after a thorough investigation we deduced my mother ate it, mainly because she had spliters on her tounge, she then went on a killing spree chasing us through the house with a pooing hoover wich spits out its poo because whenever it goes it sucks feaces back in and then comes out of the blow bit...we escaped through the kitchen roof and ran to farmer Jack's farm...we helped him sacrifice a goat then stayed for dinner ( Liver and finger chips YUMMY!)

All in All a fantastic day...of many more this year!!!....

Oh dear upon writing this and previewing it it appears the date should say 1st January 2006 when infact it says 23 December 2005....